Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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