I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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