You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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