is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
