Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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