my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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