I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
