Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
