I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
