During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
