I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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