How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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