I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
