I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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