I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
