i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
