my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
