This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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