Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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