You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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