oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
