My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
