Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
