I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
