My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
