y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
