he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
