The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
