Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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