you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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