I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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