my mouth tastes like poor choices
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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