True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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