Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
