I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
