Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
