Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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