my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
