either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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