my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
