John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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