That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
