Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's the barista slut.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
