3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
