just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
