I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
