Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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