i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
