I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
