fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
