My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
